9 August 2008

7:59 am
good morning

me: hi.

7:59 am
sorry nga pala if was not able to have nice dinner with you this week

me: :) ok lang. bawika. may next week pa naman eh. doesn't have to be nice dinner. just lunch or dinner with you, maski hole in the wall

8:05 am
ok. i'm at ucc na

me: ok. tell me when i should leave

8:06 am
will do

9:39 am
here na.

me: ok. should i leave? bakit ang tagal mo?

9:40 am
yes. traffic.

me: ok

9:46 am
813

me: why are you cranky? :(

10:05 am
im not

me: ok. well, you're not happy.

10:06 am
i will be when you get here

6:03 pm
where are you na?

me: just getting my car. still at the lobby. you know what, today, i saw yo and me differently.

6:08 pm
how different

me: finite different. i still feel the same way about you, but for the first time, i saw that, consciously or unconsciously, may kasamang bola the things you tell me. for a while, i really started believing your forever talk. now i see i shouldn't be putting all my eggs in one basket.

6:15 pm
bola? i understand

me: i don't get your reply - bola? i understand

6:18 pm
i understand what you texted. but i'm not making you bola

me: well, whatever you want to call it, you say things you can't follow through with. and that's not an accusation or anything. its just a statement of a fact that i have to deal with. for a while kc, i misappreciated the facts.

6:22 pm
ok

6:36 pm
are you in the meeting na?

me: not yet starting. just got to office. ordering food pa sila

6:38 pm
careful with your movements.

me: if i were you, i'd be lying on my side right now.

6:49 pm
don't be pensive na

me: i'm tryig to come to terms with us. i don't get into relationships that have a foreseeable end. so i don't know how to deal with you. i don't know if i am strong enough to end it yet, but i don't know if i can deal with going on with all this. its too against the grain for me.

7:03 pm
let us talk about this. have you eaten?

me: no. smoking. thinking.

me: what's there to talk about? its me.

7:15 pm
can i buy you a new notebook?

me: what notebook? if you want to, go. but i'm not asking for anything. and don't tell me. i'll feel like i asked. that's our deal.

7:17 pm
ok. sorry

7:37 pm
what are you doing?

me: eating. burger. you?

7:39 pm
walking around powerplant. movie at 8pm

me: holding hands? :)

7:40 pm
no

me: what did you have for dinner?

7:42 pm
chicken

me: from?

7:44 pm
le souffle at rockwell club

9:51 pm
still in the meeting?

me: no. just finished the **kis** opinion. packing up to go to pasig.

9:52 pm
ok

10:22 pm
what are you doing?

me: going to pasig. if i were like you, i'd still be lying on my side.

10:24 pm
if you were here and i'm with you, i would hug you

me: but you're not.

10:26 pm
i know. i'm sorry

me: i don't think i want it to get to the point where you get caught. i don't want to wait for you to have to make a choice. i will too much to see you make the only choice available to you.

10:39 pm
i don't think i will ever be ready for that

me: then don't you think this should end on our terms?

10:47 pm
let us discuss when we are together

10:54 pm
just took a bath. lying on my sie. where are you na?

me: why are you lying on your side?

10:59 pm
medyo difficulty breathing but don't worry

me: huh?!? why?! what happened?!

11:02 pm
affected

me: you have difficulty breathing because of what i said?

11:04 pm
because i know i'm giving you a difficult time

me: its not just me. its you too.

11:14 pm
having difficulty breathing

me: why?! did you overeat? baka you're tired. you okay?

11:18 pm
pounding on my chest

me: oh no. shouldn't you go to the doctor? where is your wife? is she worried?

11:21 pm
she is sleeping. will observe if i need to go to ER. don't worry

me: how can i not worry?!! ano ba?! can you just go now?

me: huy! can you just go to the hospital now?

11:26 pm
i will be ok. will let you know. where are you na?

me leaving pasig.

11:30 pm
i'm medyo better na

me: how do you know?

me: there's no harm in getting yourself checked.

11:37 pm
will try to sleep

me: that's not going to help if you're really sick. at least check your blood pressure. don't you have a bp wrist thing?

11:39 pm
i do. kinda high.

me: what is it?

me: what's your bp?!

11:44 pm
145/100

me: that's high. please please please go.

11:40 pm
145/100

me: you're being reckless with your health. if there is something wrong with you, you can't just sleep it off. this is precisely the situation you put me in. i am helpless. i cannot do anything because you are there and i cannot be with you. and you do not take care of yourself.