Sunday, June 8, 2008

Resist the urge to whimper, whine or say 'if you loved me, you would.' Guilt may have worked on others, but it's not an attractive technique. How about brutal honesty instead?

This is what my horoscope said for saturday.
No, I didn’t want to make you feel guilty. I really was upset.
I’ve already whined and whimpered. This advice came too late.
Kanina ko pa iniisip. You didn’t really say anything wrong. Maybe your were sleepy and tired, and kakagising mo lang, and there I was, giving you drama you didn’t think you deserved.
So I whined, whimpered and overreacted. Sorry. I just don’t like being cut down. And you cut me down. I felt shamed by you for being needy.
In the course of my whining and whimpering, I came across important stuff din. So not all of the whining and whimpering was a loss.
What did I realize:
1. I’m extra sensitive and needy when I’m ovulating?
2. You can really hurt me
3. I’m more complicated that I thought
4. I have more emotional baggage than I realize

But we discussed all this already. So here’s new stuff I haven’t text you:
1. The thought of ending things drove me to bawl like a baby, but I stopped myself because I was uncomfortable with the thought that I let myself get attached to someone who can’t stay.
2. You don’t need extra drama in your life. You’re way too busy
3. I like having you around so I’ll try not to give you drama
4. At some point, I’ll be too needy that I can’t keep it to myself, and I’ll end up giving you drama anyway
5. When we get to that point, that will be the end. Nakita ko na how. At some point, di ko na mapipigilan hingiin ang di ko dapat hinggin. Which is your full time and complete attention. And the only course of action will be obvious.

So there. It’s a countdown. Hmmm…
I don’t really want to discuss this anymore. If you’re game, then I’m ready to see this thing run its natural course. Unless you decide that its an exercise in futility, so what for pa?
I’ll act like we didn’t have that discussion about you falling asleep on me again, so we can carry on like before. While I will not deny to myself we had that exchange, or that I felt the way I did, or that I emailed you this, I don’t want to discuss it. There’s really nothing to discuss.
Sorry for the drama. I won’t give you any more.

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