no mrs.

Am just thinking out loud. I’ve been so caught up in the finding the apartment, moving from 3 to 4, and the fact na, sige, I admit, I’m DND.

But in connection with my texts the other night, about needing to slow down, I think that I should just stop being so sparkly eyed and kilig over the apartment thing. Its just a practicality issue. in which case, I think you should get a bare studio and furnish it with the basics. I’ll try to get the broker to agree on a less than a year lease. I withdraw my suggestion of purchasing. The car and credit card, of course, you shouldn’t get. That goes without saying. It was very nice though, thinking that someone would do that for me. :)

This is what I’m always trying to guard against: Getting so caught up with things that I forget who you are, who I am, our issues, and the inherent limitations of the situation. But no matter how hard I try to remind myself of these things, I tend to believe what I want to believe. And it doesn’t help at all that you always manage to say what I want to hear.

I can sense a little apprehension from you. you can deny it all you want, but I know what I sense. Which is fine.

Again, thinking aloud, I really have to realign my work priorities. Been feeling very small very often lately. Just because you are both my boss and the object of my distraction doesn’t justify the delays.

Bottom line is yes, I love you. but I have to remind myself that this, whatever this is, has limits. The speed at which things have progressed just makes it very difficult to distinguish real from fantasy.

In this regard, though I find it endearing that you are such a girl and kulang na lang, you scribble my name all over your notebook and make up the names of our unborn children, let me say this, please don’t call me mrs. That’s not me. that would be someone else. I know you think its cute, but it kinda hurts more than it thrills me. but it does thrill me. imagining myself as that. Especially after dinner in banawe last night. It was nice to kiss you in public. :) it thrills me, yes. But it drives home a painful truth more accurately.

Comments and reactions are welcome and appreciated. Wag mo lang ako dramahan.


his reply: i love you. it doesn't answer anything, but i want you to know that i do.